MAX'S JOURNAL

[Max Xandex]

It's the start of my sixth year in Hogwarts, and I am feeling so confused. I've been having feelings toward people that I know have absolutely no interest in me. And the strange thing is, they are guys. I'm crushing on girls too, so it's not ALL confusing to me, just the male crushes.

What's hardest about this is that I can't talk to my parents. I think that they would be....... upset, to be using a word that doesn't even come close. Given the way that they behave around and toward me since my powers came into existence, I'm sure that this would be making it even worse. I can just imagine the conversation.

But it would be better not to write it out. That would take about half of the book and every other word would be something like- fuck, shit, hell damn..... Well, you get the picture. I mean, I've heard how they talk about people that are homosexual or bisexual, and if they knew that their former 'Golden Child' was possibly bisexual, then they would snap.

The thing is, I think that I am bisexual. The crushes are confusing me, but it's more of a 'How am I going to tell my parents?!' confused than anything else. I do have friends here that I've talked to about it, and they've been helping me more than they know. They've actually put it into my head of what I want to do when I leave Hogwarts. I thought that I wanted to be doing something in Herbology, and I have been continuing that in my NEWT's, but I think it may be something more recreational than career oriented.

If the possible choice that I'm thinking of doesn't pan out, then I do have Herbology to fall back on, which is good, because I'm not really sure about this yet, which is why I'm not saying too much about it. I'm just considering it at this point.

I've met a first year named Matthew this year, and he's told me that his mother used to go to this school. He's become a pretty good friend, and it's giving me a refreshing view on the blood situation. Meaning that I'm Muggleborn, and he's a Half Blood. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other, but knowing that he has a mother that is a witch is kind of interesting. More so because she was in this house. He says that he's found she's having problems at home, though she won't tell him what they are yet. Kind of interesting, both of us talking to each other; him to me about being a Half Blood, and me about being a Muggleborn.

Oh, it's time to get to class now, I'll sign off here and write again later.

Montgomery Aristotle Xandex (Ugh, I hate that name! ) AKA- Max

[Max Xandex]

Sooooo much has happened since I wrote last. (Sorry, but I really did have a lot happen and was only able to do the one entry) I now own the house where I lived as a kid, and that was all because I told my father what was going on in my life. Well, actually, it was because I was my father's only son, but his will hadn't been changed, and it named me as the sole inheritor, though I had been disowned. Yeah, I told my father I am bisexual and along with me being a wizard, he thought it was too much 'strangeness and unnaturalness' from me, and I was no longer part of his family.

However, he had a heart attack less than a year later, and had either forgotten to change the will, or figured that a disowned, unnatural son was better than nothing, because he left his entire estate to me, and nothing to my mother or sisters. Needless to say, they were not happy. I offered to let them stay in the house if they paid me rent, because I was going to need help with all the upkeep, payments on taxes, and whatnot, but they refused. Not surprising. They moved out and I began the renovations after selling off most of the old and unbearably ostentatious furniture and decor.

I'm still not done with the work, but far enough along that the house is able to be opened for what I wanted to do with it. It is now known as the Gallery of Calm, a halfway house for troubled, abused and abandoned magical teens. There have already been a few residents, and my cousin Armistad, the only other magical member of my family and one of my best friends, he's living there and running things until I get there. He's got this enormous heart, and the first resident caught him by surprise. Her name is Crimson, and she's now my cousin, since Armis adopted her. And..... I'm getting another new cousin when he marries Echo, another resident. I know, I know, isn't that unethical? Armistad loves both of them beyond anything and that means they are family. He has never let his heart affect how much he is to care for everyone in the house. Everyone receives the care they need and deserve.

Oh, and about my own love life, I am now with Warren Griffen. I love him so much, and every time I see him, my heart skips about ten beats. To me, he is the most beautiful person on the planet. And extremely artistic. He brings out the artist in me! And I was that way before. But I've noticed that the work I do is so much more expressive. Get the impression that I'm in love? (Hahahaha)

Speaking of which, I have a dinner date with Warren soon, so I'll have to write more about him later. No details, though. Those stay in my head forever.

Max

[Max Xandex]

Working with Armistad is better than I thought it would be. I mean, it's great to have one member of my family that doesn't turn and run from me as soon as they know who, and what I am. But, he's halfway the same as me. I didn't know that he'd been moved to northern England when his parents learned that he had magical powers, but I can certainly understand why they did. Because it means that they actually cared about him, and his safety.

He's totally straight, though, hahaha. But also totally supportive of me, and how I feel about the people that I'm attracted to. He needs to find someone for himself, the same as I do, since Echo moved out of the country to persue her music, and Warren felt he needed to help his brother more. So, we're both alone now, but I'm not letting that get to me. It hurts, sure, but I'm not going to keep from looking.

I saw someone that I hadn't seen since leaving Hogwarts, even though we were almost in the same year. She was one behind me, but that was close enough for me to get to know her. She's out of school now, and I'm finding that she's wonderful to talk to, and having someone tell me what happened the next year after I left made me feel like I'd not even left. I'm surprised that I felt like that, since I was wanting to get out of there and start my life with Warren, though that isn't going to be happening right now. I hope that he's happy, though, That's what I want most for him, to be happy with whatever he does, and whoever he chooses to share his life. And maybe someday I can find someone else to share mine.